It’s that time of year again; time to start the new school year. You may or may not have all your school supplies; started fall sports or band practice; or are getting settled at college. All of these require important preparations, but let’s take a moment to consider an equally important preparation that is sometimes overlooked – RELATIONSHIPS!
Let’s begin by looking at some characteristics of healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships.
A healthy relationship:
Mutual Respect
Appreciates one for “who” we are as individuals
Listens and adapts when one is uncomfortable
Doesn’t challenge boundaries
Trust
Doesn’t get angry when partner talks to other people
May feel jealous at times, but talks about those feelings
Honesty
Always truthful and doesn’t tell “little white lies” to cover things up
Support
Supports one another during both good and bad times
Fairness/Equality
Equal give and take in the everyday decisions
Spends time equally with one another’s friends and family
Separate Identities
Has own lives- friends, family, hobbies, sports, etc.
Good Communication
Speaks honestly and openly to avoid misunderstanding
Gives space and time to think things over before talking things through
Patience
Relationship grows over time in stages: positive self-image, attraction, casual friendship, close friendship, intimate friendship, and mature love
An unhealthy relationship:
Jealousy and Fear
Becomes mistrusting and suspicious
Possessive and Controlling Behavior
Keeping secrets and hiding actions
Verbal Criticisms
You may feel toxic shame, guilt, and a loss of esteem and competence
Social Isolation
You may have fewer friends and spend all your time with your partner
Violent Behavior
You may become depressed, hopeless, and have bruises or injuries
You may have thoughts of suicide or fear for your life
Drugs and Alcohol
You may begin using substances as your coping skills breakdown
Broken Promises
You may always apologize or hear “it will never happen again”
Sexual Abuse
You may experience unwanted touching and/or kissing
Your partner may force sex by using threats or accusations
(Adapted from “Is It Love” liveonpoint.org, 2009)
In a healthy relationship, your partner wants you to be the best you can be and will encourage and support you. In an unhealthy relationship, it’s all about them and what you do or don’t do for them. Being in a healthy relationship is very important, and a decision you don’t want to rush. You may be tempted to think that you need to be in a relationship because that’s what you are supposed to do. You be the judge of when you’re ready.
As you can see from the list above, sometimes an unhealthy relationship can turn into an abusive relationship. If you find yourself identifying with the examples of an unhealthy relationship, talk to your parents or other adults in your life who have your best interests in mind. Share your thoughts/concerns with them. Get help right away to remove yourself from an unhealthy or abusive relationship.
Lastly, define your dreams and goals and how you are going to achieve them. Don’t let a relationship keep you from your dreams. If anything a boyfriend/girlfriend should encourage and help you achieve those dreams.
If you have concerns or just want to talk to someone about your relationship, contact us by email or call us at (301) 662-5300.